A Simple Mindful Tool For Troubled Times
Having just returned from a day long mindfulness retreat, I feel compelled to share with you a little bit about my experience.
As so often I find myself in the role of teacher, I treasure the moments when I can be present as a student. It gives me precious opportunities to mine new depths of insight, foster compassion for myself and others, and bestow honesty along with acceptance for wherever I may happen to be on my journey on any given day.
The day was filled with noble silence, broken only by short talks and instruction from our teacher for the day, a teacher who comes from the same tradition of mindful, insight meditation practice as myself. This meditation practice is commonly described as a training of mental attention that awakens us beyond the conditioned mind and our habits of thinking. We become willing and able to take a step back from our usual auto-pilot and reactivity, the condition in which we go through many of our days – unless we cultivate the practice of doing otherwise, which is the foundation of mindfulness practice. (This practice is the foundation of my book coming out later this year, The Mindful Vegan.)
I treasure retreats held in silence as this one was. It lets you drop the social mask – no need to activate your personality – and really allows you to be in solitude while still benefitting from the opportunities of a group experience.
Just Before I Walked Out The Door
Before leaving to drive to the retreat, I posted the image above on facebook andfacebook, as its message struck a chord with me. It was reinforced during the day long retreat, as our teacher set the intention and made the point of connecting our mindfulness and meditation practices with navigating these difficult times.
We Can All Agree
No matter where you stand on current national issues, we can all agree that these are unsettled times. Instability, shifting political and social situations trigger moments of anxiety for all of us. For those who are sensitive to the threat to human rights, let alone the threat to environmental protection and animal welfare, we can feel as if we don’t know where to start and how can we do enough. Where’s the solid footing amidst the shifts?
All heroics and saving the world aside, there is one simple thing we can each do every day, and it is captured in this image. We can realize that our feelings of unsettlement, anxiety, and agitation are not the experience of each of us alone.
And broader than that, it can make us sensitive to the fact that none of us ever knows what someone else is going through, whether related to the shifting political times or their personal lives.
Recall The Times
Think of all the times you wish someone had been a little more patient with you, shown you a tiny bit more kindness, let you go first.
Coming to mind: I think of the time my mother-in-law was languishing in the hospital in unconciousness. It was six a.m. and I did the Starbucks run. The line was long and it seemed everyone around me was complaining about everything from traffic to the fact that they didn’t get the muffin they ordered.
And maybe someone in line was experiencing something even more horrific than I was.
We never know. Perspective. Patience. Kindness. Choose silence over slander. Choose mercy and calm observance over anger, wrath and a mental storm.
Let someone else go first on the road, in the line. Noting our own impatience – in the line at market, at the stop light, in the phone queue – brings us to awareness of an opportunity to connect with our own natural presence of ease and peace. It’s there, it just gets covered up by our constant mental activity, habits of reacting, and daily rush and crush.
Pause
I am aspiring to this – and invite you to try this. Next time you find yourself in reactivity in any situation – something that you notice is pushing your buttons and urging you to lash out (or lash in), or trying your patience and sensibilities – as soon as you can, consider extending that which we all want for ourselves: kindness. It can be tough, sometimes downright impossible – especially when we know we are right.
Yet in my experience, reconnecting with natural presence that I access during quiet moments of meditation puts me in far better position of maintaining inner well being and being more effective in any situation – even as advocate and activist – than if I go into reactivity. It’s a simple tool for troubled times.
Be kind to others. You just never know what someone is going through.
Peace,
Thank you, Lani. Caring for my elderly mother can try my patience when she repeats herself and asks a lot of questions while I am working to be efficient during limited time. I do notice that we both feel much better when I am more attentive, smile at her humor and join in the singing that she often does during exercises. She is the one who taught me early on that we never know what someone else is going through.
Carol,
Thank you for your lovely, heartfelt, informed response. That’s a tough one. I had a similar experience helping care for my dad in the last year of his life as he experienced advancing dementia. I found my best tools were making sure I ate well, got daily exercise, and meditated. It made it much more possible for me to be present with Dad and his experience. My heart goes out to you, this is not an easy time for you and I appreciate you sharing your experience.
Thinking of you,
Lani
Thanks Lani! I always seem to be working on this. It really takes some effort to get outside my own wants and desires and not see others as obstacles. :/
Susan, just to be clear, so am I. We are all always working on this, unless we aren’t, and truly it takes a certain kind of awareness and mindfulness to be aware that this is even a problem. The thing is, reactivity of this nature ends up hurting all parties – not only the person to whom we are not sensitive, but by resulting in our own disquieting state, am I right?
Thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts, I so much appreciate it.
Lani
Thank you for posting this Lani! It is very timely for me as I am going through some tough times and working to maintain a positive outlook. Take care .. xo
Janice, I’m betting you are not alone and it’s good to know we’re all in this together. I am glad that today’s message has meaning for you, and I hope it gives you ongoing inspiration with whatever it is you are facing. It means the world to me that you stopped in to share. My wish is that things are looking up for you soon!
Lani
I love this Lani. Thank you for posting this. I have been unkind lately and will look for ways to show kindness.
Kay, all honors to you for the instrospection! I am sure you are not alone, as a matter of fact I am certain of it. Your coming forward with self-observation I can guarantee will help someone else do the same.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
Lani
This is a lovely piece Lani. I recall that when my Mother was in the end stage of Parkinson’s Disease we would sit in the courtyard at the continuing care centre and she would see other patients. As ill as she was she would say to me ” there is always someone worse off”. It made me think that we should always remember to consider that everyone has some burden in life.
Hi Gale,
Ah, Mothers. Your story makes me look back at my own mother’s wisdom. For so many years I would interpret comments such as you share as less than they really were – now wishing that my mother were still here to mine more of her wisdom. What a perfectly lovely example, and I am deeply grateful to you for stopping in to share some of your story.
You are right, everyone has some burden, if not many. We forget and get wrapped in our own stories so easily.
Thank you Gale!
Lani
Thanks Lani for this very thoughtful essay. Just read it this morning and it will make my day much brighter and enlight my daily meditation. Be well.
Jos, what a lovely thing to do, stop in and share your thoughts. Every time we encounter a thoughtful idea, it does help us insert it into our day – and you express that beautifully. Thank you.
Lani