This latest video release from my husband Greg opens with a sunrise in Africa and moves to our town of Magalia with a message of symbolism and hope following our experiences in the Camp fire. Says Greg: “In August 2017, we had the good fortune to witness a rare event in Masai Mara, Kenya: a golden sunrise under the belly of a lion. Although this spectacle was filmed, I never shared it, waiting instead for the right context. The context has now presented itself: a catastrophic fire, the dawn of a New Year, and the message of hope that can be found in a sunrise.” I follow with some personal reflections, two months after the fire.
Reflection
The fact that I haven’t written to you since reporting in the early aftermath of the Camp fire – as I did a few weeks ago in Life as a Refugee from the Paradise Camp Fire – doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking of you. Â
There are life-and-living logistics of two months as an evacuee living away from our home. We have now been able to get back up to our home for winterizing and for meeting with insurance agents for the post-fire cleaning that is recommended for ridding residences of post-fire toxicity.
Even though our house is not one of those that burned to the grown, the layers to manage are surprising. Most of our friends in town have lost their homes and are dealing with even deeper, far more painful issues. So any reports of hardship I have for you are of course considered with some perspective. That doesn’t make our difficulties not, well, difficult.
Three Personal ShiftsÂ
There have been bigger, decided shifts that this experience – the turning of our town to ashes, the displacement of so many, the ruin left behind and even officials scratching their heads about where-do-we-go-from-here – that has been my experience. My usual inspiration to bring news from the front lines of change in the mindfulness and vegan realms via writing, newsletters, and social media gave way to a different kind of connection. My interest turned to more close-quartered concerns.
Here are some ways that this showed up:
- I experienced a rejuvenated interest in cooking. I found myself experiencing renewed interest in preparing good food for others and my own family. It showed up initially in those first few days when staying with cousins of my husband Greg in nearby Chico. It seemed the way we could give back most (while they turned over a room of their home to us and our beloved ring-necked turtle dove travel companion Mr. Stubbs) was to prepare delicious yet simple vegan meals each night. As the holidays came upon us with Thanksgiving and Christmas, my usually lazy-cook personality became newly energized. Perhaps it is the immediacy of food preparation, the bringing of attention right into the present moment, which one must do when chopping and cooking. The presence of sharing and eating are powerful healers. Â
- I experienced a rise in the necessity of self-care for myself, my family, and my community. Eating well of course came along for the ride on this. So did daily exercise, always high on my list of must-do but it continued unshaken, even when we were advised not to go outside due to the air quality, even with masks on. Greg and I were usually the only ones in the park. Maybe we’ll pay a price for it later on, but we never suffered congestion or coughing as we paid attention to keeping the N95 masks on during walking and all points in between buildings and the car. Daily meditation practice continued and I was also able to attend more group meditations, due to my proximity to a meditation centers as a result of evacuation. Never doubt that these practices have beneficial effect for everyone in reach, from my husband to the person on the street- of which there are now a lot more. I found myself taking more items to donate at Salvation Army, giving cash for gas to a woman in desparate need without a moment’s hesitation, and handing out cookies randomly on the street. And just like everyone else, it seemed, patience and kindness rose to the surface.
- I experienced a decreased interest in anything to do with marketing. I have always had a love-hate relationship with social media. On the one hand, it has been a way that I have been able to reach more people than I could ever have imagined with the messages of mindfulness and veganism. And it has been a decidedly positive avenue for finding out about our immediate community and friends in the wake of the Camp fire.
But during this fallout time from the Camp fire, I became increasingly displeased with the down sides of platforms like facebook. In the light of the fire, observed superficiality and self-serving become increasingly illuminated. For example, as positive as it is that plant-based eating and vegan living have become more and more popular, many are eager to jump on the bandwagon of marketing a new challenge, a new year ‘cleanse’. It is not that these are harmful in themselves. They can be beneficial. But these endeavors seem to be marketed more and more (by some) with the hook of promising (even with imagery) of making you stronger, sexier, more attractive, and invincible. Even mindfulness is being marketed as making you more “productive” or as a tool for making more money to having better sex.Â
Do the ends justify the means? Are we appealing to the most egotistic, selfish elements of humankind to move us toward the deeper values of kindness for all beings, reducing suffering and scaling back our planetary impact? If so, where is it all leading? If we underscore being ‘more attractive’, sexier and stronger, then will that not perpetuate these same values more than any means we may attach to achieving them? Does this not give them a short shelf life when we tire of the latest trend and abandon it in favor of the next bright shiney object?
I do not mean to be curmudgeonly. Rather, I am revealing to you my inner response to conditions in our world that have been altered and refurbished in the way that dramatic events have a way of doing that. Running from fire is a life-changing experience. There is a values clarification that takes place. There are elements of grief that surge to the surface.
The questioning of the norm takes on a new urgency. Â
Greg’s video brings this all right into my lap again and again, each time I see it. I hope you enjoy it as a symbol, a touchstone for you to bring to the surface and clarify your most deepest values. May it be a means to elevate your highest aspirations of humanity, kindness and compassion, and joy in the simple things.
May your new year be filled with greater ease and happiness, and may we all be more loving and kind.
Love,
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Lani,
It was so good to get your newsletter today, as my family and I have been thinking about you and the fire and everything. Your message is deeply appreciated, and comes at a good time for me as well, with the new year and everything.
I am glad that you are safe and shared your thoughts from this experience.
Thank you!
Sharon
Yep, the video made me bawl, incredible! Thank you for sharing that Lani. I hope the new year brings with it renewed hope and better fortunes, so sorry to hear about the fires, just so vicious.
Hey Veggie Tater, I know! I cry every time. Just the sounds of the music get me going!
I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
When you face adversity in life you will find the things that matter different. This will build your character. Thanks for the video.
Hi Dudley. Based on my personal experience, I whole heartedly agree! Thank you.
Lani, thank you for sharing such beauty and hope! We just lost a 22 year old nephew thru suicide….this video reveals God’s hope and strength. I am so very glad that you are recovering somewhat from the fire…your strength is an inspiration!
Pat, oh, your experience sounds excrudiating! I am so sorry for this loss and all the confusing and pain that must surround it.
Thank you so much for sharing today.
Lani
What a beautifully moving video. In a time when our values are being tested and believing in our principles has become more difficult, it is a comfort to know some things have not or will not change. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Love Charlie
Charlie, it means so much to me that you stopped in to share your thoughts. They go straight to my heart.
Lani
It’s so good how well you & Greg (and your little bird) are doing. Thank you for your insights and sharing Greg’s beautiful video. Wishing you all the best in this new year.
I meant It’s so good to hear how well you & Greg are doing.
Hi Carol, thank you so much!
Beautiful video! Thank you for sharing this & your experience. Traumatic events do change us on a cellular level. Having experienced the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, (& the aftershocks for many months afterwards), living in the Santa Cruz mountains at the time, I know about this first hand. Your values and perspective shift dramatically and quickly. There is nothing else like it to remind us of both our fragile mortality and the every day miracle of our lives.
I know several families in Magalia & Paradise, some lost homes, some like you are in the process of dealing with putting their lives back together with a home that survived.
I send you all love, light & strength to persevere.
Tina, thank you! I’ll convey your comments about the video.
I remember the Loma Prieta, though I was far north and didn’t experience it as you did. Very unsettling.
I appreciate the love and light you are sending our way! It means so much.
Lani
This is absolutely beautiful Lani, thank-you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I realize how strong we can be in the face of adversity. Even though I haven’t personally experienced extreme loss like so many have in Paradise, CA, I also live in an area that has had past tragic fires and much loss for many in our community (Colorado Springs, CO). Your video & note reminds me that hope is always present, even when things seem so hopeless, we remember what is truly important in life. Praise God you are okay and managing as best as possible, and may God bless you & Greg for all that you do for our world.
Annie, I know what you mean. Our ‘real stuff’ can show up at these times in surprising ways. I found I was really up to the task and marching forward strongly for about ten days, and then I dissolved in tears while taking a bath. Grief and sorrow have their way of hitting us on their own terms and timetable. Thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts about hope and what is really important in life!
Lani
I just wanted to tell Lani that I have started watching this video almost every morning as part of my Mindful Vegan mediation routine. I love it soo much–your husband found the best music & written words to add. And I have tears too some days–maybe thinking about all that you must be going through to renovate your home, so much stress and sadness, or thinking about what’s going on in the news that day or thinking of my husband & I building a brand new house in a forest in the mountains (Crystal Park, Manitou Springs, CO) that could easily have a big fire someday as its been spared with the other recent Col. Springs fires but has had past fires (1940 & 1800s). But it all has such a good hopeful ending, somehow God takes care of us even in our darkest moments. I picture my husband & I being able to create a new development/city sign too if we ever would lose the development to a fire, but if we are safe & together like you & Greg, what a blessing that will be. I’ve shared this with my friends that I knew would be touched & inspired as I have. Just had to share a little hope back to you today 🙂
Annie,
I can’t begin to tell you what your notes mean to me and Greg. Such beauty, authenticity, and care in your words and the energy behind them. I adore that you have found a way to make this short film part of a meditation! How are you doing with The Mindful Vegan?
Thank you, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts today. We are moved and honored.
Lani
Your video brought tears to my eyes. May the New Year return to you the blessings you have bestowed on all of us and the animals of our world.
Hi Susan, your message goes straight to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
Best to you now and always,
Lani
Thank you so much for sharing Lani. That is definitely the Kenyan Sunset I remember so well. I miss my homeland so.
I am so happy to hear you and your family are well, and how you were able to contribute to those even less fortunate. Such acts of kindness are inspiring, that we too no matter what situation can still hear the cry of the less fortunate. Have a wonderful New Year filled with excitement even in challenges. Shalom!!!!
Thank you so much Monica!
Lani
Oh this is just beautiful Lani and Greg. I just went to my grandson’s memorial with a beautiful video to music of his life. Losing loved ones or your whole way of living in the world are tragic and unbelievable… but it helps open up our hearts and minds to what is really valuable. I know 2019 will be a wonderful path with even deeper love for our family and friends. Love you both❤️, Linda
Lani,
What an amazing video! Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you for keeping all of us in your thoughts and sharing a part of your life with us. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been faring in your new reality.
I admire your courage in expressing what is so true about life and your observations of social media, marketing, and the Machiavellian aspects often witnessed in our current existence. I appreciate your authenticity and wisdom.
Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy, and peaceful new year.
Warmest regards,
Carol Kirk
Lani, it was wonderful to get your email today. I read it thoroughly, signed up, and then clicked to reread your post from Jan 2019. I had forgotten how strong, elegant and moving your words, and then the video. Renewing. Restorative. Spiritual. I look forward to hearing/seeing your voice again. Peace and love, Mary